


Whiskey & Whiskers Saloon

by SunFallDown



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Not Beta Read, Public Nudity, alternate universe - cowboys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 22:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunFallDown/pseuds/SunFallDown
Summary: Konoe gets a helping hand from a saloon owner. A very... particular one...





	Whiskey & Whiskers Saloon

**Author's Note:**

> I literally just shat this out during Shiro's stream and I'm not even sure if my grammar is correct, please have mercy on me. I'll re-read it and edit it... sometime... 
> 
>  
> 
> [Please look at my friend's art](https://twitter.com/FrenchShiro/status/1065078405526421505)

At that point, Konoe had a slight hunch he could spit on the ground, and it would sizzle. In fact, he would have tried it out, if it wasn’t because, you know… he was dying.

The desert was hotter than a whorehouse on nickel night, and Konoe had been riding on his poor mount for Lord knows how long. The poor thing looked like she was three steps away from the slaughterhouse and Konoe wasn’t far behind. He’d been told the nearest town was in this direction, but judging by the look of it, either his luck was rubbish, or he had been scammed. The vultures had gotten themselves a human pawn and they were scamming travellers, so they’d die, leave their corpses behind and they’d all feast together in sweaty bowels…

Yea… he was hallucinating alright…

“Aight Kuim… what would you like your tomb to say,” he started. “What bout ‘here rests the veggies’ worst nightmare… no carrot was ever safe… they all celebrated the day she was gone… haha…’”

Was he about to die?

He pat the back of his girl. She was breathing heavily, walking so awfully slowly, Konoe couldn’t feel pity for himself, he was so busy comforting Kuim. She’d been with him ever since he’d been kicked out of Karou, tagged along with him on every single adventure… yet there they were, dying of thirst in the middle of the desert. A fitting end for him, sort of, but she didn’t deserve it.

“Ya know… Even though I called you Kuim… you never liked those berries…” Konoe kept talking, mostly to himself. “Well, that was good… more for me, I suppose…”

His whole body felt like a sack of potatoes, and his eyelids were feeling too heavy for comfort. Was there truly nothing anywhere around?

“… I could really use some berries.”

Konoe fell from his horse.

* * *

 

Oh god, someone was piercing his skull right open. Or he’d drank too much. He hoped it was the latter but oh man he would not be surprised about the first one.

He slowly opened his eyes. Bad choice, however, because the pain only got worse. After a couple of seconds getting used to the light, he started checking around and…

Water…

There was a jar of water and a perfectly nice glass right next to where he was laying.

Suddenly, all pain seemed to fade away, as he quickly got on his saddle and started chugging. Water had never tasted so sweet in his life as he kept drinking, and drinking, until he had chugged the last drop of it. Would that be a choice he’d regret later? Possibly, but he couldn’t possibly care less at that moment.

With his head cleared, he started checking around him. He was sitting on a soft double bed with comfortable wool covers. The night stand next to it still had the glass that Konoe hadn’t even touched, alongside his holster and his revolver. The room had a comfy atmosphere, and it was neatly decorated.

If Konoe could be sure of one thing, it was that he was absolutely lost on wherever the hell he was. Nor where his hat was. It wasn’t in the room… _darn it._

He stood slowly, tying his holster to his belt again, preparing himself for whatever could come. He tried opening the door. It had no lock. And they had also left his gun right next to him…

What was going on? Had he been captured for the reward on his head? If that was the case, whoever was keeping him captive wasn’t… good… at it… But people wouldn’t give him a helping hand either. Would they…?

Exiting the room, he started checking his surroundings. A corridor with more doors, probably more rooms. No windows. A staircase that went down. An inn? How exactly did he get inside an inn? Konoe had certainly been through the mill, but… what was going on?

Whatever was happening, he certainly did not want to get into a fight. He just went to the stairs. If anything happened, he’d cross that river when he came to it.

Downstairs, a big saloon shone brightly as dusk started setting. The amber light highlighted the contours of the wooden tables and chairs, all brightly polished and varnished. Everything seemed to be in place, ready to welcome the night clientele; from the perfectly aligned bottles behind the bar, to the turntable playing some country melodies to start the night.

If that had been any other situation, this would have been the type of place where Konoe would love to sit back, drink something and maybe throw some darts, before going anywhere else with Kuim (oh right!!! Was she okay??? He needed to look for her as soon as possible). But no, that wasn’t the moment. If he walked slowly and made no noise, maybe no one would notice—

“Howdy pardner.”

Konoe felt every single hair at his nape standing at that.

His hand immediately went back to his holster, ready to pull his gun the second something went south. He turned around slowly towards the voice (a grown man, from the sound of it) and faced—

Konoe’s face immediately went red. He thought the desert thing had been hot, fuck, now he felt hotter than a cowboy sending a love letter.

“Welcome to the Whiskey and Whiskers Saloon,” the man greeted him.

A single man was sitting in front of the bar (how had Konoe not noticed him?), legs crossed, holding his own gun in his hand, carelessly spinning it by the trigger guard. The man tipped his hat at Konoe, and Konoe tried his hardest to focus on that, instead of… _everything else._

“Ohhh, so you’re that belvidere that the cat brought yesterday!” the man smiled. “Well I’ll be damned. I was already planning your funeral, but y’re harder to kill than you seem, aye?”

Konoe just kept staring at the man. He knew he couldn’t look away because he would get shot the moment he did something stupid, but _at the same time_ …

The man just smiled at him. “The name’s Bardo, by the way. Yours?”

Was it just Konoe’s head still spinning a bit too badly from the dehydration, or was the man _enjoying_ the situation?

“Konoe,” he finally mustered, his face still far too red for comfort.

Bardo kept smiling at him. “Well, pardner… enjoying what you see?”

He was enjoying this. He was getting the biggest kick out the situation.

Contrary to whatever Konoe could have expected, Bardo, probably the owner of the saloon, or the inn, or whatever the hell the establishment was… Bardo sat in front of the bar, smiling and spinning his gun, _wearing no clothes at all._ He had his hat on, a couple of leather boots, and _that was all_. Konoe couldn’t tell if he was wearing any kind of cloth to cover his _privacy,_ and honestly, Konoe _did not_ want to check, his face was already hot as it was.

“Can you tell me _why_ you are…?” Konoe started. He really did not want to say it out loud.

“Mh? This?” Bardo started uncrossing his legs, and THAT was the moment Konoe finally looked away. He was not going to keep staring. “Ah, tonight no one wears pants in the saloon. Ain’t that a fun idea? I came up with it.”

Konoe had so many questions. First, who comes up with that kind of ideas. Second, who would find that fun. Third, no pants did not mean _completely naked_.

“Anyway, good ideas aside,” Bardo kept speaking. “I’mma need a li’l favour here, pardner. Since I’ve let you stay here, gave you water and kept your horse lady well fed, I do think I deserve one, don’t I?”

Wait, Kuim was here too? That was a relief.

“Do I need to take my pants off for that?” Konoe answered sarcastically.

Before Konoe could even realize Bardo had moved, the man was already standing in front of him, _very close_.

“Hey, I wouldn’t be against that at all,” Bardo said, grinning, _winking_ at Konoe. “But, sadly, that’s not what I meant.”

Konoe made it a point to keep staring at Bardo’s face, not once daring to let his eyes go down, but… _fuck_ …

“I need an extra hand to help me around here, you see. There’s a black cat around town that helps me out every now and then, but haven’t seen him all day, y’see…”

An extra hand…? “What kind of business do you run that you ask random people to help you out?”

Unexpectedly, Bardo laughed out loud. “I ain’t hearing a no from you!”

Whatever progress Konoe had made in order to tone down his blush was lost the moment Bardo started laughing. God, he hated being teased like this.

However, even though he was feeling embarrassed beyond himself, Bardo did have a point. The help, the water, the food for Kuim… he did owe him one. Konoe didn’t like staying in the same place for too long, but he also didn’t like owing people favours… and, to be real, if it wasn’t for Bardo, he’d most likely be vulture food by now.

“Aight,” Konoe muttered. “I’ll… help you out for a few days.”

“Great!” Bardo smiled. “Then, pants off, pardner!”

Konoe froze. “What?!”

“No pants night, remember?” Bardo winked at him. “So? What’re you waiting for?”

Okay, no, Konoe changed his mind, he would rather be vulture food right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy ny'all. So, uhh... if you want to send me some memes to write down as a fic, y'all are free to talk to me through twitter:
> 
> https://twitter.com/sunfalldown


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